What happened to my New Year resolutions

When I introduced 2020 to my New Year resolutions, it humored me — predictably. Perhaps it was the childlike glimmer in my eye or my resolute power stance that forced it to not reveal what the year would hold.

But then, it showed its true colours soon enough. Within the first couple of months, one fateful natural disaster turned the world on its ugly head. And not to be dramatic or anything, I took it rather personally. It was the universe trying to tell me not to stick to my resolutions because what’s the point? But was I about to give in to the universe? Mostly, yeah.

I combed through my binder of resolutions titled ‘2020 Vision’. It was funny at the time, but in hind-sight, (see what I did there?), the future had never been so blurry.

The first item on my list was learning how to speak Italian. And I don’t mean mamma mia or I love you, Antonio Banderas. Here’s how far I’ve gotten: voglio caffè (translation: I want coffee), and do you speak the English, signore? Granted, I haven’t been practising much what with all the coronavirus in the air.

Next on the list was learning how to pole dance. Did I have the core strength for it? No. But I didn’t even have the pole, so clearly, this had other issues.

Number 3 said ‘read more!!!’. Clearly, the urgency was evident. It makes me sound like an idiot who doesn’t know what the inside of a book looks like. And so, I ordered a few books off of Amazon. The roster included genres of self help, fiction, and more self help. Clearly, you can tell I needed help. Maybe it was with reading.

The fourth resolution was somewhat vague — ‘Do more of the things you love.’ This may seem suggestive. But then again, I didn’t have a pole.

There was also the travel bucket list that included visiting China. Which makes me recall a quote by the all-knowing Winnie the Pooh. He once said, ‘sometimes when I am going somewhere and I wait, somewhere comes to me.’ Tick.

I also included a style resolution to shake up my fashion choices. I don’t wear a bra anymore and I have forgotten what a pair of jeans feels or fits like. And for the latter, I don’t even want to know. After all, I’ve been working on my self-esteem, courtesy of the nine(ty) self-help books.

Among ‘the things that I wanted to leave in the past but didn’t expect it would be these’ include: how to walk in heels, the feeling of freshly threaded eyebrows, hugging a friend, running to catch a train, an auto, a cab or even the person who stole my wallet in said train, auto, or cab. I think I’ve just forgotten how to run.

Who run the world? I certainly don’t.

As a lesson in catharsis (read: year 2020 is a disaster), I recently watched a movie (after multiple re-runs of Bridget Jones’ Diary) titled ‘Everything, Everything’ wherein the protagonist, a young girl, is allowed to do nothing, nothing. She has been locked up at home by her mother. Relatable? For Rapunzel, absolutely. But there’s more. Her mother tells her that she has a lethal disease and if she goes out, she will probably die. Now you’re feelin it.

However, eager to explore the world, this young girl runs away with a beautiful boy (relatable, and also, understandable). When at a beach, she somersaults into the ocean, as one does when out in the world for the first time with a beautiful boy. Eventually, she faints (must we blame this on the beautiful boy? No, because he was a nice, beautiful boy. And yes, obviously, this movie is purely a work of fiction.) Following her incident, she is rushed to the hospital from where her mother brings her home.

Now, she is grounded. Life does come full circle. Later, it is found that the reason she faints and has some sort of an attack is because she has been breathing filtered air for far too long and it was high time she breathed normal air. Definitely relatable.

Though nice, beautiful boys were not in my 2020 Vision cause let’s be real: hah, breathing fresh air and somersaulting across beaches, or at least laying on them as sand somehow settles in my underwear, was. As was having new experiences and meeting new people. However, this is not about you, me and our personal desires to have bikini bodies and escapades with Chris Evans lookalikes. It is about being smarter than that. And if nothing, at least this year saved us all the pressure of making a new resolution list for 2021. Pole, here I come, mostly, maybe. Let’s see if the universe brings us together actually.